This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
