The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
