I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
