I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
