You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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