When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
