You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i love accidental penises.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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