no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
