You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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