The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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