You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
