So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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