i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
