I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
