remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
