i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
