Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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