it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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