the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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