I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We don't watch enough power rangers
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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