I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize