honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize