I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
