why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
