What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
