So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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