goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
