We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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