I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
