1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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