Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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