A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize