Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
