dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
