Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
