I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
