I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
