I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
