my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
