Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
