I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
