i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
