Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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