watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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