Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
