You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
