I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
