Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
