would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
