Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
