3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
