Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
