she looked like the before picture.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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