Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
