It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You need Xanax blowdarts
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
