well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
