Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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