just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
