pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
two words: eviction party
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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