im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
its not stalking. its research.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
