Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
