Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
