I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize