I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
